Craft pillar
Web & App Speed
Space to raise the curtain · → next scene · ← previous scene
Stalls · Row F
2 seats · 7:30pm
The right show.
The right seats.
The right night.
Our craft pillar
Web & App Speed
The show starts when the page loads.
2027
The reviews are in.
★★★★★
“Tickets on my phone before the kettle boiled. I didn't even notice the website.”
A customer
★★★★★
“A stable platform. Revenue up. And I don't have to worry about them bots.”
An exec
★★★★★
“Ghostlight does the heavy lifting. A slow release simply doesn't ship. I sleep like a baby.”
An engineer
Every show needs one
The villain
“I am Slow. And I have many faces.” 😈
AV crawls.
So we crawl.
Loading seat map…
Bot attacks
Eating capacity, and engineers' afternoons
One team's change.
Another team's slowdown.
And nobody notices.
Too much to measure
So you watch none of it
AI slop
bundle.js · 0.2 MB
Code shipped faster than anyone can weigh it
Boo! Hiss!
+0.0 second
10% of the house, gone.
The build-up
One small change, next quarter
Find a show
Choose seats
Pay
A KPI per flow. Real customers, not just the lab.
Every release, compared with the one before
😈 “Curses!”
The daily show
# team-checkout
Speed Bot APP 09:00
Good morning. Yesterday, real users, p75:
🟢 Find a show · LCP 1.9s
🟢 Choose seats · INP 180ms
🔴 Pay · API p95 640ms, slower since yesterday's release
Illustrative numbers
Red? First item at stand-up.
Measure it. Gate it.
Talk about it daily.
Web & App Speed
The show starts when the page loads.
😈 “I'm melting… so… fast…”
Web & App Speed
The show starts when the page loads.